I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
