I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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