and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
cat food counts as protein by the way
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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