i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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