his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
