I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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