you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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