I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize