Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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