hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
