Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
