dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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