I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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