Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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