For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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