wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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