Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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