Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
