Whod you bang
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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