What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
