You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
