you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
