So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
