Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
