I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
