I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
