I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
zippers are such a cool invention
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
