i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
