I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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