the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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