Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
