I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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