So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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