At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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