And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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