so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
