i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
