So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
