He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
