u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
