I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
