I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
