Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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