I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
