I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize