I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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