Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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