I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
