We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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