did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
two words: eviction party
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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