accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Randomize
