On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
