remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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