I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
