As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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