mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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