she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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