i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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