My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
