hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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