i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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