You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
