some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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