Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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