Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
