Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
