ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize