Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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