just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
