This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
