He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
