I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
