it hurts more in the daytime
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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