Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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