I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
