if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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